Title:
Empathy in Action: Shane Walsh’s Connection to IDD and Best Buddies at JMU

Subtitle:
From Sibling Bonds to International Impact: Shane Walsh’s Story

Transcript:

Alycia Anderson: Welcome to Pushing Forward with Alycia, a podcast that gives disability a voice. Each week we will explore topics like confidence, ambition, resilience, and finding success against all odds. We are creating a collective community that believes that all things are possible for all people. Open hearts, clear paths.

Let’s go.

Welcome back to Pushing Forward with Alycia.

I am Alycia, and welcome to the show.

Shane Walsh: I’m Shane.

Alycia Anderson: Hey, Shane, I’m so excited to meet you. I’ve been seeing you all over my algorithm. It feels like, I don’t know, for at least a couple years probably. So I’m so excited to meet you and share your story. I wanna start this episode with a question to the community that’s listening, which is, ” What happens when your greatest teacher happens to be your little brother?”

And the greatest lessons that you learn in life might not come from schools, but maybe from around the dinner table. We have such an amazing human being. I can tell you’re amazing because of all of the work that you do. But Shane is a global ambassador for Best Buddies International. He’s a sophomore in college going after, I believe, a special education major at James Madison University. I see your school pride behind you on that flag. I love it. Shane is a speaker. He advocates from lived experience growing up alongside his younger brother Lucas, who has intellectual disabilities. We will talk about all of that.

His mission is to make the world more inclusive. Yay. And welcome the IDD community on campuses. Love. At work, needed. And in everyday life. Shane, welcome to the podcast. I feel like I’m talking to a celebrity a little bit today.

Shane Walsh: I wish. Thank you very much. It’s an honor to be here.

Alycia Anderson: On your way to it. It’s an honor to meet you. Thank you so much for your time. We have a lot to talk about. So I think maybe we can look back a little bit in the rear view mirror and maybe talk through your realization, like an original moment in your life where you realized that your brotherhood, your friendship with your brother Lucas, was shaping your worldview and guiding you through your own path.

Is there a memory, or is there a moment, or maybe we can even just look back at your relationship together and you paint that beautiful picture for us?

Shane Walsh: Yeah, absolutely. My brother is 13 currently, so it dates back to when I was first growing up. So when I was, I believe, in first grade, my brother was one and he said his first word to me, which was “Hi”. And, at that moment, he slowly stopped talking. And to this day, we have not heard his voice since. So at a really young age, I would say, from my shoes, it was really confusing. I was in first grade, I had never heard the word autism. I didn’t know what it was. And then the next year goes by, and my parents sat me down at the kitchen table. They shared with us that Lucas had been diagnosed with autism. And, I think that’s really where everything changed for me. Even at such a young age, my mom signed me up to volunteer with Special Olympics, and it was always my brother. That was the reason why I got involved in Special Olympics. Now, Best Buddies. I have been very involved with for a long time as well, but I think what I really realized through all these shared experiences, not only with my brother, was that he came into my life for a reason. And he came into my life, so I could meet all these amazing people through these organizations. And the biggest thing that I typically say, “Obviously I have that shared experience of growing up with a sibling, but really what I’m after now is, if anyone knows what the Best Buddies’ mission is.” I definitely feel that I’m almost living proof of it, not necessarily because of myself, but because of, really, the undeniable impact that people with IDD have had on my life. Which really, in my opinion, proves that they can be incredible friends, employees, leaders, and so much more.

A big thing I can’t understand currently is the unemployment rate for individuals with IDD. It’s sitting about, now 84%, and it really bothers me because I believe that these individuals have given me, including my brother, absolutely everything I have in my life today. And, for what I’m telling you, I really never wanted to share my story. And I think the more we get into it, you’ll be able to see why it was very personal to me. But these individuals have given me, as I said, everything I have, and it’s almost my responsibility to give that love and passion back in any form.

And if me sharing my story to whoever wants to hear it, is gonna help with that, then so be it.

Alycia Anderson: So that is so beautiful. And before we jump into what Best Buddies is and that whole entire path, I wanna just lift up siblings for a minute. To be honest with you, I’ve had several siblings, one with some type of disability on the show. I have a twin sister. The amount that each sibling brings to the table of their experience, and their advocacy that comes from just having a personal relationship and love for somebody with a disability is its own unique experience in itself. But I don’t think siblings get enough credit to tell their own story too. And everything that your brother has given to you and this experience, I would almost guarantee the same thing back to him from you. So many gifts from my life have been given to me from my sister advocating and never leaving me behind and creating social opportunities that probably wouldn’t have been there otherwise. I was just on stage yesterday and somebody asked me, “Where would you be without your sister?”

And I go, “I actually don’t know.” So I just wanna give, number one, a shout out to all the siblings out there, that the way you all lead in this movement is the way that the typical, I’m air quoting, able bodied population still needs to learn more about this. It should follow civility, love, inclusion, understanding, so I wanna give a shout out to you for being the sibling too.

This is a camaraderie and I think we all win when we show up together like that. And I don’t know if you wanna say anything about the sibling journey from your perspective as well. But I think it’s a really important conversation that we don’t talk about enough because the disability is always at the forefront.

It’s always, ” I’m just here,” but you’re so important too. So, I just wanna say that.

Shane Walsh: I appreciate that, and I can’t agree more. My biggest blessing that I’ve been able to experience through all of what has been my journey is been able to really connect with other parents, who have children with IDD. That’s the main audience that I typically speak to, and that is very rewarding because I do believe that as someone that, as a family member, it’s really easy to connect with those people and some of the things that I say really gets them emotional. I had a dad in Washington, DC, I spoke in last November, he came up to me and he was just very emotional in front of me. And that was the turning point, where I said, “I never really wanted to share my story.” But when he came up to me and was like this, I was like, “Okay, this is the impact that I want to be able to make on others.”

I think you brought up an amazing point of people without IDD, who don’t necessarily understand what we talk about as siblings, or parents, or people with IDD share. That is my number one goal in this world currently is to get people to realize the way that we feel. And a really big thing that I push is, I think in my current generation, a lot of things are viewed as cool things to do that really aren’t cool and pushing this idea of everything that I do is cool. And you can still have fun and be a happy person, but do something that you’re passionate about. Even if it isn’t what I want to do, just find what you’re passionate about and go do it.

Because this world is full of opportunities. Absolutely everything that I’ve experienced has been through experiences with others and people I’ve met that have changed my life and changed my perspectives on things. And, I guess going a little more into my experience as a sibling, my brother has shaped my perspective on so many different things.

It’s truly crazy to look back on. Because, again, you said it perfectly, I really don’t know who I would be in this current moment of my life if it wasn’t for my brother coming in. And that’s where I believe that someone or somebody put me on this path for a reason to do exactly what I do. But I guess growing up, my brother was super fun, loving. I loved being around him. I have another brother, so I’m the oldest of three boys. So pray for my mom. But my brother Lucas is the youngest. And then my other brother, Ben, also doesn’t have IDD, very close with him as well. So growing up, all three of us were very close. And then I got into high school, COVID hit, and from there everything changed. My brother, Lucas, got very sick, and he just changed as a person. His behaviors became much more aggressive, constant making him a lot harder to handle both in school and at home. I was definitely going through a really difficult time as someone that had a sibling, ’cause I was just seeing him struggle so much. And I believe that no one really understands your siblings as much as you do, and as someone that cares so much about him. It was very frustrating just seeing him struggle like this when I hadn’t seen him struggle like this. And, eventually, it led towards what’s called an outside placement for my brother.

So he now lives at his school instead of living at home. And that happened about my senior year of high school. So it’s still been pretty recent. It’s been going on for about a year and a half now. And I think that was really where my perspective started to change on a lot of things, because when it came time for my family to tell all of our friends and family that like, “Yeah, Lucas isn’t going to be around as much. This is what’s happening.” The response that I got from everyone was, “I’m so sorry.” And the biggest thing that I got out of that is that there’s nothing to be sorry about because there’s a huge difference between sympathy and empathy. The idea of being able to be sorry for someone versus being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. And I think that’s all I ask from other people is I never want you to be sorry for me. I would not change a single thing about my brother to this day. And I think that’s an idea that needs to be completely squashed. We don’t need to change anyone. And that my brother is perfect for the way he is, and his disabilities don’t impact how valuable, dynamic, and beautiful he is as a human being.

And myself, my parents, my other brother Ben are living proof of that. He’s had an incredible impact on all of our lives. And I certainly wouldn’t be a 10th of the human being I am today if it wasn’t for him. So I think, in general, that was really the turning point in my perspective on how some people really just don’t understand. And you can’t be mad at them for it. You gotta understand it’s something they haven’t lived through. But at the same point, I saw it as an opportunity to go share this perspective with others. Even people that are very invested in the IDD community. Sharing my own unique experiences, I’ve seen a very positive impact from it.

And here at school, all students here really respect me for what I do and my story. I have this event coming up in October that I think I briefly mentioned to you. One of my best friends at school. He’s also a special education major. He is a male, which is a very rare thing nowadays, but we’re working on it. We’re doing an event through Best Buddies to raise money to actually become the first college campus to host a Best Buddies event, which is super exciting. I’m really excited for it. We’re working with all of JMU Greek Life to do this, so I’m expecting it to be a great turnout. I was the president of my high school Best Buddies chapter, and my biggest thing was I was not satisfied with our chapter and the way that we were doing things. When I got elected president of my sophomore year of high school, I wanted my school to be known for Best Buddies. Because in my opinion, that’s a pretty great thing to be known for.

We were able to accomplish some things, and that’s what ended up happening. And when I went to JMU, that was exactly what I envisioned for myself here, was to get JMU to that point as well. And I think we’re definitely on the way with that.

Alycia Anderson: That’s so beautiful. You just said so much. There’s so much to unpack there. In no particular order, ’cause you just said a lot of really important things. But number one, I love that when you’re in high school, you took a look at the programs and you wanted more. I think for the IDD community, specifically, we need for that to be a norm, a typical ask to offer more, to expect more, to create more better environments, better programming, like all the things. So the fact that’s your goal is we want more is really good, number one. ‘Cause I think that’s super important.

Number two, you were just pretty raw about your brother’s journey and him transitioning into living in a residential home. And the response from people was they felt sorry. And that’s probably a pretty typical, I’m gonna say ableism, response, I would assume.

I’m assuming. You can correct me if not.

Shane Walsh: No, that’s correct.

Alycia Anderson: My follow up to you is, how is he doing? How did this transition, like how has it been for him? Because what I would assume, and you can stop me if I’m wrong. I could be totally wrong, but there’s resources out there to help support disabled people in all kinds of different ways.

Is it helping him? How is he?

Shane Walsh: Very well. That’s the biggest reason why I push that kind of perspective is ’cause it’s the right place for him. And at the end of the day, that’s really all that matters. And us as a family, we just want what’s best for him. And there was a lot of other things that happened throughout those four years I was in high school that is a little too private for me to truly get into. But, my parents really tried for a long time. They did not wanna do this. And I give my parents a significant amount of credit for allowing me to share this perspective, ’cause I don’t really think they love that I share this a lot. And it’s really just so people can understand what my experience truly has been without limiting it to it. My brother’s been doing really great. He is happy for most parts. He always has just been happy. I’m from Massachusetts. I’m like nine hours away from home, so I only get to see him a few months of the year now, which has definitely been really tough as well. But he’s happy so much. I FaceTime him every night, and getting to see him smile like that is so rewarding. We come and visit him and we bring him his favorite foods, and he is rocking and rolling. He’s the kid that I grew up with. They have a playground there and I always take him out.

He loves running. He’s a wrecking ball. He never stopped running. And me and him will run for hours and play together, and it’s very rewarding to see him in that mindset. Because during my years of high school, it definitely was not that simple. And I think that was really tough on me, too, as a sibling, just trying to find what he was comfortable doing.

Especially people with IED, they have personal space bubbles. They don’t want you hugging them all the time. My brother certainly has a personal space bubble. If I come up and give him a fist bump, he might just push me away. And you know what?

That’s okay. You have to respect what he wants and find a way. My mom always shared with me that he will come to you.

If he wants to play with you, he will come to you. And that’s so true with my brother, specifically. I think when I was really young, and Ben, my other brother, was really young, we didn’t really understand that.

We just thought we could go up and hug him, or give him a fist bump, or whatever, like as his brother, and it wasn’t really like that. And he does this thing with me where he grabs my hands and asks me to pick him up, or jump with him, or he can spin for hours.

I don’t have that capability, but he somehow.

Alycia Anderson: I don’t either.

Shane Walsh: That’s a different story. But he has these different things, even though he is non-verbal, that I’ve been able to pick up on over the years that he wants me to do, as a brother-to-brother thing that we do together. Just really reflecting on it. It is hard, and my heart goes out to my parents every single hour of my life, because I could not imagine making that decision that they had to make.

Shout out to the parents. That decision, among so many other, I’m sure, advocacy points they’ve had fortheir three boys. The same thing with my parents. They teach us to be who we are. They’ve taught you to be the advocate that you are now, too. Shout out to the powerful parents.

Alycia Anderson: This is not an easy path for sure. Thank you for sharing that. From a campus perspective, what’s the dream there? What are you trying to create? What is the environment? What are the programs? What are you doing?

Shane Walsh: Yeah, that’s a great question. So, I’m very heavily involved in Best Buddies at JMU. Everything I do from an international level. Similar to when I was in high school. I joined last year, my freshman year, and was just really not satisfied with the way things were. I was honestly the most unsatisfied I’ve probably ever been with the Best Buddies chapter. I thought it was very discriminatory towards the buddies we worked with. I’m not a big fan at all of when you’re working with adults, you’re having them do hand turkeys. That seems very childish. That’s not what they want to do. That’s not how I feel about anything. I am now the treasurer at JMU Best Buddies, so more in charge of financials, but I’m on the executive board as a sophomore. And we have definitely completely changed up the way we do our outings. I go and volunteer every Friday at, not sure if you’ve ever heard of the Arc.

Alycia Anderson: I just spoke at the Arc.

Shane Walsh: Yeah, so I volunteered at The Arc of Harrisonburg every Friday. And that has been my favorite experience I’ve had at JMU so far. I love the Arc. It is so much fun.

My buddy, through Best Buddies that’s actually at JMU. She goes to the Arc. Her name is Lena. She’s a young adult woman with Down Syndrome, and she is the funniest thing.

I brought one of my friends to meet her last Friday, and I walk in, she starts chirping me and making fun of me or whatever, for no reason. And I love going to hang out with her. We play basketball together and whatnot. And that’s been a really rewarding experience, for sure. But I guess from a whole campus perspective, just trying to make JMU known for Best Buddies. Having a Best Buddies event at JMU would be a huge dream come true for me. I go to all these amazing events. These people that work for Best Buddies, they put these events on for me, and I really would love to find a way to pay that back by doing an event of my own that they can come to and they can experience. Because I think for people that have never been to a Best Buddies event, for example, tomorrow, I’m actually going to New York City to speak at the Best Buddies Challenge in New York. It’s their first year ever doing one in New York. And these events just inspire me to a different level every single time. I go to ’em. You mentioned earlier how you would talk to Anthony, and he is incredible at these events. The way he speaks and you just learn so much from him. I think if I was somehow able to do that at my school and provide that for other people and students here that haven’t been able to have that experience that I’ve had. Because I’m so blessed to be able to go to all these events that I’ve been to.

I’ve been to their international leadership conference three times now in Indiana. I actually got to speak there one year. And I think we can talk more in Indiana a little later. ‘Cause that really was the event that changed my whole perspective on Best Buddies, and really got me to the point I am now with their organization. But, I think that’s my goal from JMU is really just to provide that for other people because going back to the male special education part, I am taking classes to be a special education major. It is all girls. All girls in my classes again, and I love how people wanna go into that. But I think as someone that’s a male, my dad worked for the Red Sox radio station for 25 years. Now works for the Celtics TV station. I thought I wanted my dad’s job growing up.

Yeah

Alycia Anderson: That’s kind of a fun fact.

Shane Walsh: So, I thought I wanted my dad’s job. All growing up. Played sports, loved sports, still love watching sports. But I got into high school and I took a class as an elective with our education program, and I got to work with all of our participants when I was really young in high school.

And that’s when I started to reflect and I was like, “Okay, this is what I want to dedicate my life to. I don’t care if I’m working in a classroom or not, but this is the population that I want to be around for the rest of my life. And I think that was what made my decision going into college as a special ed major. Sophomore year, still a special education major. Was just so easy for me ’cause I knew that I wanted to be involved in this population. I’ve now worked in a classroom. This is my fourth year as a one-on-one support professional. And that has been incredibly rewarding. Waking up every single morning, being excited to go into work. My brother works at a summer camp.

Love that. But I love my job. It is the greatest thing in the world. I really don’t know what I fully want to end up doing yet. But going back to what I was saying about my dad and males. I never thought I wanted to do this. So trying to give that experience to another male here at campus would be incredible too.

‘Cause you never know how these events, these participants are going to impact your life. And I think if I was able to somehow provide, that would be really incredible.

Alycia Anderson: I think that’d be groundbreaking. What do you think men need to hear, see, experience, to flip the switch or change whatever possible biases. And I don’t even know if it’s bias, maybe it’s just lack of exposure, but

Shane Walsh: Yeah.

Alycia Anderson: statistics of it’s mostly girls. What do men need to hear or understand that they maybe don’t know?

Shane Walsh: I think it’s all about the participants with IDD.

That is absolutely, from my own perspective, what changed it for me. Obviously my brother, but it’s been so much more. I now probably have over 150 to 200 friends that have an intellectual or developmental disability, and they’re some of my best friends. My friend here at school that I was talking a little bit about. His best friend from home has Down syndrome. So I think the biggest thing is you need exposure. You need to interact with these individuals, and they will impact your life. No matter if it’s as sincere as how my life has been impacted from it, but I really find it hard to believe. And that’s my perspective, is go to a Best Buddies event. Go to Special Olympics, anything. Go to the Arc to volunteer. Go volunteer in a classroom, go teach a swim lesson. There’s a million different ways to get involved with these individuals, and I think that’s really where it could change for all males.

Alycia Anderson: The key word that you just said I think, too, could be go and interact.

Shane Walsh: Yeah.

Alycia Anderson: Right? I think that is a big one. Like actually push yourself out of your comfort zone and go have a conversation, and interact, and play, and engage, and I think that’s when things really shift.

Shane Walsh: Yeah.

Alycia Anderson: That interaction.

Shane Walsh: I definitely agree. And I think you just brought up a great point too. Pushing out of your comfort zone.

I talked a little bit about Indiana and their international leadership conference. So, I was going into my senior year of high school. I was the president of Best Buddies for one year already, going into my second year. Already was trying to change things, but I got this email and it was the Best Buddies International Leadership Conference. So I talked to my parents, I was like, “Hey, I think I wanna go to this. This seems really cool. I never take a chance on anything. What do you think?” And they were like, “Yeah, sure, let’s do it.”

So I remember driving to Logan Airport, which is in Boston with my mom. It was like six o’clock in the morning. I was getting ready to fly to Indiana for this conference. And she asked me, she was like, ” Are you excited to go?” And I’m like, “I don’t know. I’m gonna get on a flight to Indiana and take it from there.” I’ve never been to Indiana. I didn’t know anyone going, there was 2000 people going. I was nervous. A lot of people still go to these. I remember I got through security. I met three or four buddies that were going to the event. I was talking to them with these two high school students. Great experience, just waiting for a flight.

I got on a flight. This girl who’s in college starts talking to me, asking me these questions. And whatever, you put on your headphones, you’re getting ready to take off. And I remember, I’m thinking to myself, I’m like, “This is gonna be an amazing weekend.” But my biggest saying is that I’m gonna step outta my comfort zone.

I’m gonna go talk to all these people because I know that this is where I belong.

This is something that I should be doing. I went on to make so many amazing friendships. During that conference, Anthony spoke at that event. I was blown away. He actually spoke a lot about siblings and just so many amazing things, but I made a really great connection with a boy with Down Syndrome, who now is one of my closest friends through Best Buddies. I talk to him every single day, and he was probably one of the biggest reasons, him and his family, why I’m now in the role that I am in with Best Buddies, and people starting to realize what my story was. So then I ended up going back the following summer and spoke on stage at closing ceremonies in front of 2000 people, which was a wild experience for sure. That was also my first time I’d ever spoke, so it was definitely a cool first experience to have. That event was definitely the groundbreaking change for me and Best Buddies, was that event.

I technically have to go last year and then this year, ’cause of my role. But I would go to that event every single year. I could not encourage it more to all of the young people listening. That is the event to go to, with Best Buddies.

Alycia Anderson: It sounds like I need to go to it too. I love that story. When I was in college, I dreamed a lot like you. I still do. And my dream was to work for the International Paralympic Committee. And my degrees are in adaptive PE, and kinesiology, and all of it. And I went and did that. And I worked for the Paralympic committee in Europe, and I did the whole thing.

And I took these risks and these leaps. I was very afraid at the time. And the doors that open up for you when you take some risks, when you’re following your intuition that’s telling you this is for you, if you’re willing to seek it out. So congratulations on that. I think your future is very bright and very big.

This industry for Best Buddies and just in the work, there’s a lot of opportunity and disability advocacy, lot of corporate opportunities, lot of speaking. What you said is, “I don’t know where I’ll end up.” I didn’t know where I would end up either. And now I travel around the world for the last five years speaking to the most incredible companies I could have ever dreamed of.

There’s so much opportunity for you, and you’re just getting going. And you’re young. I can’t wait to see. To the stars. For sure. That’s amazing. What is one call to action that you could make out to the community, out to the companies, and the organizations that listen to this?

What’s the call to action to either get involved or understand more? I’m gonna leave that up to you.

Shane Walsh: I think that’s a great question. I’m gonna go a little bit more on the employment rate for people with disabilities.

As I’ve really stated a lot through this conversation, these individuals have made me who I am. They have impacted me on such a level that I could not have ever imagined.

So my biggest thing that I really encouraged to all companies, any human being out there, is exactly what we said. Step out of your comfort zone and put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Because that is the way that you can be the change in this world, is finally realizing what you are, what you want to do, and how these people live their lives. Because they live their lives in a perspective that every single human being in this country and in every world, every country imaginable, should live their life in. So that is my thing to say to all these people, individuals with IDD have given me everything I have in my life today. It’s my responsibility to give that same love and passion back, and I encourage people to step outta their comfort zone and put themselves in someone else’s shoes.

Alycia Anderson: That’s beautiful. I love it. Did we miss anything?

Shane Walsh: I don’t think so. I think we covered it.

Alycia Anderson: This is pretty thorough. I’m pretty impressed. Okay. I warned you.

Pushing forward moment. We end the show with a little motivation to our community to go off into the world. Do you have a little pushing forward moment that you could gift away to the podcast universe?

Shane Walsh: Yeah, sure. To everyone in our community. I wanna leave it at this specifically. We talked a lot about parents of children with IDD, and individuals with IDD. As someone that does not have IDD, but has so many hopes and dreams for his life, I wanna make you guys well aware that you are my motivation to push forward. It is my hopes and dreams that one day I can develop the courage and bravery that individuals with IDD and parents of children with IDD have.

Alycia Anderson: You are very impressive. I’m so excited to follow you and see where you go. Thank you so much for wanting to come on the show and talk about all this incredible work that you’re doing. It’s my pleasure to meet you, honestly. And to be your age and in this moment where the world is really starting to open up for these movements.

Lot of work to do, but congratulations.

Shane Walsh: Oh, thank you. There’s nothing congratulate me on yet.

Alycia Anderson: Oh, yes sir. You gotta own that now because then there’ll be more and more. Yes, there is. So thank you for coming on the show. We will leave all of your information, how to follow you, how to get involved, how to donate, how to learn from you in the show notes. Just thank you so much for your time.

Thank you to our community for hanging out with us again this week. The show is doing so good, and it is because you’re showing up. Please share, subscribe, all the things, and we will see you next week. This has been Pushing Forward with Alycia, and that is literally how we roll on this podcast. We will see you next week.