Title:
Invisible Disabilities, Domestic Violence & Finding Your Voice | Kelly Still

Subtitle:
An HR leader’s powerful story of survival, self-advocacy, workplace accommodations, and rebuilding with purpose.

Alycia Anderson: Welcome to Pushing Forward with Alycia, a podcast that gives disability a voice. Each week, we will explore topics like confidence, ambition, resilience, and finding success against all odds. We are creating a collective community that believes that all things are possible for all people. Open hearts, clear paths, let’s go.

Welcome back to Pushing Forward with Alycia. I am Alycia, and you know how sometimes people that you meet can carry some of the biggest stories, and they’re so interesting, and they stop you in your tracks, the ones that are the people that are quietly navigating beside us?

And today’s guest, we first met when I had a partnership at Victoria’s Secret four years ago. And our connection started there, and I’ve had the privilege of building a friendship and watching her build her story and her platform in her own extraordinary ways.

We have Kelly Still. Kelly is an HR leader at Domino’s now. She’s a mother, an advocate, an animal lover. I love that you put this on your bio.

Kelly Still: Thank you.

Alycia Anderson: She’s a survivor and a woman who has rebuilt her life with tremendous intention. Her story reminds me of something that I believe deeply about advocacy, which is the message does not stop in one room.

It doesn’t stop with one conversation that we’ve had. It travels through the people that we’re willing to engage with, and one conversation can move one organization or one person to another, into another workforce, into more impact, into another classroom, into another community. And because somebody might be inspired in one moment, that inspiration can actually lead to really big things, and Kelly is such a beautiful example of this.

Her journey has taken her from finding her own voice to using it in the workforce to help others, in the community. She’s taken it to stages like University of Michigan, where she has been invited to share her experiences with the next generation, which is actually the most important work, I think.

Kelly, welcome. It’s so good to see you, my sweet friend.

Kelly Still: I am so excited to be here, and I’m just so excited it’s with you for my first podcast ever because we have such a great connection. So I’m just very excited for this whole experience.

Alycia Anderson: We had a unique opportunity to meet in Ohio when I had the amazing opportunity to roll into the Victoria’s Secret corporate office, which is its, an experience in itself. And yeah, all the girl fans out there, it is just that great. But we met there, and at some point we became friends. You reached out, and I want you to tell me how your start, your story has unfolded, and then we’re gonna look backwards.

Kelly Still: Absolutely. One of the things that really inspired me when you were at Victoria’s Secret and you’re talking about being your own advocate and really having to help nurture those that are, like, younger generations that may not know that they can advocate for themselves, it really made me see that there was a need for that for younger students in their undergrad or people that are maybe they’re newer to the workforce. I just felt like it was a big way for me to kinda have that knowledge gap and be able to share my advocacy, but also explain to them how that they can protect themselves with ADA accommodations, how FMLA works, how the EEOC works, which is the Equal Employment Opportunity and then Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, and just letting them know that there’s certain agencies out there to protect them, whether it’s a invisible disability or if it’s a physical disability.

Those are things that they can go and do and ensure that they’re protected and that they’re not discriminated against as well. And then also letting them know when they’re interviewing, they don’t have to disclose anything. So it was just making sure I was helping the younger generations understand if they have a disability or if they’re going through something, what those agencies do to help protect them so that they don’t feel alone.

Alycia Anderson: One of my favorite things about this conversation, you just mentioned FMLA, you just mentioned a lot of programs that support employees. And when we were talking in our meeting, you had said that you’ve been motivated to go in and speak up for greater programs, better accessibility, better FMLA.

I think that pushing the work forward the way that you are in the positions and the roles that you take in human resources, it’s so important. And I was so taken back and excited to hear that translation. You have an experience, you go in and you have a moment where you might meet somebody, they share something with you.

It doesn’t have to be me, it could be anyone.

And then you take that information, and you bring it out, and you put it into the world, and you advocate for better. That is the most important work I think that any of us could do in the workforce or outside of it. And since you have told me that, I’ve taken that conversation into many other corporate conversations that I’ve had, and used you as an example.

Because when we’re doing advocacy work, and you hear “Oh, it actually translated in this moment, or that moment, or in this small way, or in this big way,” you realize that the work is actually moving forward and leading. And you’re a perfect example of somebody in human resources going, “You know what?

We could do better. And I’m in that role, and I wanna use my leadership in this role to be able to make change for other people. And it was such a powerful moment for me that I literally keep saying it.

Kelly Still: I love that. I

Alycia Anderson: I do. I keep sharing that story. It’s such a powerful story, and something that you can bring on your own stages, honestly, because, it allows people to start to think “Oh, we can think bigger. We can do more,” instead of just the status quo.

Kelly Still: Absolutely. And that’s something that I very much, even only being at Domino’s World Resource Center for five months, I’ve already connected with the VP of our communications, talking to the community and culture, making sure we’re able to give people that extra knowledge just so that they know that’s available for them too.

So it’s something wherever I go, I’m very big on making sure I make it known that’s something that I’m very passionate about. Sometimes it may seem annoying, but it’s something that I like to do because in HR, I’ve seen where there’s been instances where they just give a pamphlet to somebody, and that’s not enough.

And I know sometimes with the legal aspects of HR, you can’t do so much. But I like to make sure I give a platform for others and use my transparency of what I’ve been through and what disabilities I have outside of, physical. And I believe that having that transparency really builds a great foundation of trust, whether it’s with professional, personal, private conversations.

I think that those are really great because having the transparency is what really helped me because you were so transparent during your time when I got to connect with you at Victoria’s Secret. It really made me see that I don’t need to take my disability and feel like I have to hide it.

I can be an advocate for others and make sure that I’m not feeling like I can’t do that.

Alycia Anderson: And you know what? I just love what you just said before we get into your disability, because I do wanna talk about that. You know I wanna go deep there. But how you just said you’re at Domino’s now, and sometimes you’ll speak up, and I think as disabled people, we worry a lot. Are we gonna sound like we’re being too much?

We worry about the bias that comes with speaking up. But I was just on a stage yesterday, and we were talking about how speaking up in a really professional, respectful way starts to retrain leadership in a way that’s like we’re not complaining. We’re bringing new thought leadership to the organization to start to think about things differently or reframe things differently or look through a different lens.

So it’s so powerful that number one, you’re doing that, and number two, you’re doing it at a new organization not even a year out. That’s an even bigger leadership skill that just shows your passion of the work, most of us start new jobs, we’re like, “Ugh, we’ll see how it… let me get coasting here.”

Kelly Still: I was right out the door. As soon as I came in here, I was like, “Hey, I would love to bring in some guest speakers. I think this would be really great to help with their program.” They have a great program called SOAR that helpsgive advocacy, allyship to people with physical and invisible disabilities. And right away, I connected with the board to say, “Hey, I have this great person. I put your name out there.” So it’s one of those things where I’m so passionate, and it’s hard for me to keep it in. I’m almost like a little kid on Christmas because can see the greatness in this and how it can help others and how it can really expand the corporation to see a little bit more into the layered items that go with a disability.

Alycia Anderson: Again, that’s a shift, being so excited about this work that you feel like it’s Christmas. We need that at every organization, that moves the needle, so it’s such a big deal. So anyways, I wanted to lift that up first and foremost ‘ cause you’re incredible.

Domino’s is so lucky to have you because that excitement is gonna just, it’s gonna affect so many of your employees and your customers, honestly.

Kelly Still: They do a great job here too. I just wanna say, like Domino’s, the first day I gave them my ADA accommodation, it was approved. They were great about it. They are so wonderful. I’ve had experiences before where people weren’t great with it because they couldn’t see my disability, so it was one of those things where it was a little difficult.

But since I’ve been at Domino’s, they’ve been amazing. So Victoria’s Secret was the same way. They were really great about it as well, and it’s just like making sure that it’s not just large corporations, it’s also making sure other places understand what it means to have that community and culture and that kind of psychological safety net to feel like they can be themselves at work and not feel scared of it.

Alycia Anderson: Yeah. Shout out Domino’s and Victoria’s Secret. Well done. And one more good point big organizations have more infrastructure to support that, and I think that’s another great callout of education needed for small and medium-sized businesses that might not have the resources to support it, and how do we help them, so anyway, we could talk about that all day, but.

Kelly Still: Yes, all day.

Alycia Anderson: Just congratulations on being so excited, and wanting to push the needle forward in such an organic way. So good. So good.

Kelly Still: Thank you. I, and I will tell you I wasn’t excited a couple years ago just because it was hard for me because I still had, not the shame around it, but just like the nervousness of expressing my disability to, my peers or just letting them know. ‘Cause I’m very transparent with my team. But I’ve gotten better with it to be like, “This is a powerful tool to help others,” and it really helped someone on my team that she didn’t even know about the ADA stuff, and I talked to her all about it, and she got hers all set.

And she didn’t realize that she could have an ADA accommodation for her mental health. And it was just being able to have that opportunity to be that open with everyone.

Alycia Anderson: You are so amazing.

That is such an amazing story. Okay. You have described strength as something that isn’t always loud. Let’s talk about your disability a little bit and building up to that strength that you’re just talking about right there.

Kelly Still: With whatever you’re comfortable.Absolutely. I actually have been very open with my team about the disability that I have. So I had a late diagnosis of lupus. It happened right after my endometriosis, which apparently with new studies, that can happen, and that’s been something that I’ve been dealing with and working with for the last couple years and really trying to understand it. Additionally, as a survivor I am somebody that does struggle with PTSD, and I have been diagnosed with bipolar I disorder. So I’m very transparent with my team because I’m like, “Hey, I’m human. This is who I am. I’m gonna have rough days, but I’m still gonna be that person for you.” It just may be more of a purple day is what I like to call it ’cause the lupus ribbon’s purple and that mental health is purple, so I always say it’s gonna be a purple day. And they are really great about it, and they know to lean in a little extra, see if I need extra support. So it’s been really great to maybe have the team that understands that. And being able to talk openly about domestic violence, it wasn’t something I could have done several years ago. I would have started crying.

I would have been really upset. But when I saw you talking about being an advocate for yourself, that really inspired me to do more and to be more of an advocate, not only for myself, but for others because I understood what the shame of it was when I was going through my domestic violence and all the things that followed. So that was a big reason that you were so instrumental in me being like, “I gotta do this for other people. I need to realize that I went through it, but I can tell them, ‘Hey, I went through it, and I’m out of it.'”

Alycia Anderson: And so how did you get there? That, that’s a lot, right? Lupus, mental health, abuse. Like, how do you go from that to where you are? Because I think there’s a lot of people that listen to this podcast and subscribe it that are going through stuff quietly are on the pendulum somewhere of trying to figure that out, and that sounds like a pretty big feat, honestly.

Kelly Still: It is, and I understand, like, why people don’t wanna talk about it, but having somebody express “Hey, I’ve been through it.” And it’s weird because through my life since unfortunately, my first domestic violence incident was in 2017. I almost lost my life. Then unfortunately, the person I dated, who knew what I went through, tried to hurt me and my daughter, and it was just something that was really hard for us. But it was, like, having that ability to realize that I’m out of it and I can grow, but I will say I am not perfect. I definitely was really ha- I, not I was hard on myself because I’m smart.

I know better. I have five brothers. I should be doing better. But it’s really easy for somebody that is, looking for love or just looking to have partnership, but not really looking, and then somebody to come in that’s a narcissist or somebody that is really good at hiding things, and then it’s like they break you down, and it broke down my self-esteem.

So for a long time, I felt like this was all my fault. This was on me. I should’ve known better. And through going through The ENOUGH Initiative, it’s my friend Nicole Beverley, she actually started it, and she’s a survivor as well. She really helped me understand things because after the second domestic violence incident, she let me know that 90% of victims get re-victimized, whether it’s with the same partner or a different partner, and that made me feel a lot better that I wasn’t alone.

But it was one of those things this already happened to me. Why did it happen again? And that’s kinda where it really made me see I need to get the help that I need to get in order to be the best person for not only myself, my family, my daughter. I did a lot of really deep therapy. I really made sure to lean on my family a lot.

My dad and my mom are amazing. My mom and her partner are amazing. I have amazing brothers that really are there for me, and they’ve been great men in my life. My one brother is a captain in the Army, and he is my person I go to, and he always lets me know. He’s like, “You can’t control that situation.

What you can control is how you move forward.” And that’s something that I will say with between my family, my friends, I have a great support system, but therapy’s also very key. And I’m not one of those people that likes to push it, but it’s really good to get that out because sometimes you’re holding in emotions that you don’t even realize you’re holding in, and it comes out in a triggering moment versus you being able to work through it with a therapist or being able to talk it out.

And that did happen to me a few times in the very early stages of my domestic violence ’cause I was like, “I don’t need therapy. I’m good. I’m tough.” And things started happening, triggers happened, and it was like, wow, I really need to get these emotions out and really talk about it, or else it’s gonna eat me away and I’m not gonna be the person, and I’m not gonna recognize myself anymore.

Alycia Anderson: Incredible. Those layers are a lot. Honestly, they’re a lot, and the fact that you’re coming out and advocating and using your voice to share your story, there’s so much in there for people to take away. What is the one thing like, when you were going from this point of probably masking a little bit to speaking up, was there one thing that really inspired you to do that? Or how did you actually deciding to take ownership of it and control the narrative in your own life, like, how has that translated into your growth?

Kelly Still: I will say with a lot of people, I know COVID was a time to go and like a lot of people had to work from home. I chose that as a time to really look at myself inside and out and say “I know this isn’t me. I know this isn’t who I am. I’m a better mother, I’m a better partner, I’m a better friend, I’m a better daughter.” And during COVID I actually I don’t drink a ton, but I like to do like spurts of not drinking. I just chose not to drink for a year because it needed to help me go to therapy. It was masking some of the things that were happening because of my triggering events. And it’s not to say that like anybody that does drink, that’s an issue, but masking it in the wrong ways, and that was something during COVID I was like, “This is not me.

I know that this is not me.” And what I did instead is I completely just took everything out that was like masking what I was going through. I put myself in therapy, and I really knew that it was gonna be difficult work. So I saw a therapist. I also did EMDR, which was very helpful, too. And it really made me see yes, you’ve been through a lot, and not just from like my domestic violence events.

I’ve had abuse in the past, too. But it’s, I really needed to work on that myself because I was masking it all down by being the happy-go-lucky person, and it’s okay that I’m not rainbows and sunshine 24/7. And that was what I had to get to myself because I needed to be the woman that I know I could be for my family.

And I’m the only daughter, so it’s like I wanna make sure I’m that strong female figure for my family. But also for my daughter. My daughter’s my best friend. She’s 19, and she saw me go through a lot of stuff. And it was really difficult when I went through my first domestic violence incident because I, my face was broken.

My, I had an orbital wall in my nose. My jaw was messed up. And the first thing my daughter said when she saw me was, “Did he do that to you?” Because it, I didn’t want her to see me for the first several days after the incident because I had bruising so bad that it looked like I was a boxer. it was one of those things where I wanted to ensure that my daughter knew my mom’s tough.

My mom’s tough, but she knows she doesn’t deserve this. And it’s one of those things that her and I talk about because we still like to talk about it because I wanna make sure she knows you’re seen, you’re heard. Yes, you didn’t have the physical violence on you, but you saw that happen to your mom. You didn’t have that happen in the 2017 incident, but un- fortunately in the 2022 incident we were trapped in a closet, and we were being threatened, and it was scary. And my daughter thought we were going to die, and I had to put her right into therapy as well because I knew I needed to heal, and she needed to heal.

So we did separate therapy, but we also did therapy together. So it was just seeing that I needed to be the best version of myself, and that’s why I always say it’s best to pivot with purpose. It’s okay to panic for a second, but pivot with purpose because that way you’re seeing that you can still go on with your life. The tattoo I wanna get is a semicolon ’cause my story’s not over. It’s just beginning. It’s just getting good, and it’s gonna continue getting really good.

Alycia Anderson: I love it. I am, like, so blown away that you have gone through all these things in your life. Those that is unbelievable. And I know a lot of women out there, a lot of people out there deal with abuse. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to navigate that, and you coming out on the other side of it the way that you are. Can you talk about what is EMDR?

Kelly Still: I don’t remember the exact terms of it ’cause it’s been so long. But it’s, a lot of it is cognitive. So sometimes we’ll have lights going by and you’re just sitting there, and it’s just really relaxing your senses, and it’s just also, it’s uncovering things from your subconscious that maybe you hid or you put away because you needed to compartmentalize it because it was something that would have triggered you. And EMDR really did help me, and it was something that I really appreciated because it was given to me by my friend Nicole Beverly that went through similar situations. So it’s eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, is what it is. I was like, I knew what it is, but I gotta look it up real quick.

Alycia Anderson: Wow. And so that’s a therapy that you were able to also practice while you were healing?

Kelly Still: Yes. And it was really helpful. I wish it was a little m- more not expensive, but if your insurance can cover it, it’s great. But it was something that I needed to pay for outside of my own pocket because that was what was working for me, and that was making me be a better person. That was making me leave the triggering events and the emotions behind.

Yes, I still have some things once in a while that will make me jump, but I’ve gotten a lot better because of going through the the EMDR. And having an advocate and having others from The Enough initiative that my friend Nicole Beverly has, those times where us women get together, we got together during Halloween last year, and we got to do pumpkins and stuff, and just sharing our stories and making sure we’re all being there for each other.

And if someone’s struggling, it’s just having that community too has really helped a lot.

Alycia Anderson: I love it. So you know what else I love that you said is when you were talking about deciding to stop drinking or whatever the action is. Taking control of your own body I think is a really powerful thing, and I did that for myself from a health standpoint. Before I turned 50, I wanted to feel strong.

I wanted to have better mental health. I also chose specific things in my own life that I was not gonna do and that I was gonna do for a certain amount of time to see how that helped me get to the other side of some emotional things, or how I felt about what the future was gonna be, and I think that’s a good lesson for people as well.

What can you decide and take control of in your own life or in your own body, and really focus on? And I think that’s a really good note that you said, too, because I did the same thing. Something different, but still I think taking control of something and going, “Okay, no, I’m gonna do this.

That is what is happening,” and then actually fulfilling it is really empowering. So I love that you mentioned that.

Kelly Still: And I really appreciate that because I became a version of myself that I did not recognize when I was masking it with alcohol. And it was something that I was masking what I was going through. I was making it sure like everyone thought I was great. Everything’s fine. Hey, it happened. I’m good.

I’m stronger than ever. And ignoring it and masking it is what made me become the person I did not recognize. And that’s why when COVID hit, I was like, “I need to change things.” And I know that when we had eventually started talking, but like part of the other thing was, is I also went through endometriosis, which is how I got the lupus diagnosis afterwards.

It’s something that’s gone in a study, but I had endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome. I had 12 surgeries. I had six miscarriages, a stillbirth, and I also was like masking that on top of like not dating the best people in my life. And that was something that I also dealt with that from my grief of not being able to have any more children and then going through a domestic violence situation.

That was something that I was like, “Listen, you gotta take control of your life. You gotta start doing what you can. Yes, you can’t have any more children, but advocate for those that go through endometriosis. Advocate for those that are going through lupus. Advocate for those that have gone through domestic violence or companies that don’t know how to handle it or what to do to make the person feel like they have a psychological safety net.”

Alycia Anderson: Love it. From a chronic illness standpoint, I think that a lot of people, employees, general public are dealing with living with a chronic illness and finding a path forward in it. Talk about that a little bit, ’cause I know that’s pretty tough, too.

Kelly Still: It’s something that a lot of people didn’t realize with chronic illness Bear’s disease or if you have Crohn’s disease, lupus, PTSD, mental health disorders, manic bipolar, those are more of the invisible disabilities. And a lot of times I notice with people that do go through that, they don’t like to talk about it because they feel like people think they’re making things up. And I understand that a lot too because people don’t see when I’m not feeling well because I’m staying home. And a lot of times a couple previous workplaces, definitely not Victoria’s Secret or Domino’s, but they wouldn’t accommodate my ADA which sometimes with my lupus I get really weak to the point where it feels like my body’s glass.

Or I’ll get, like, the butterfly rash and you get, like, the little sores. And there’s times where it just feels like I can’t keep anything down. I get really bad intractable nausea. And I had other companies that were like we’re not gonna, we’re not gonna do that.” “We need you here all the time.”

And it’s one of the things that one of the companies I previously worked for, they asked me why didn’t I tell them during my interview. It’s highly illegal for them to ask you during an interview. If you share it with them, that’s okay. But I even told them, “It’s illegal for you to ask that. It’s illegal for you to demand people to let you know if they have a disability or not, whether it’s physical or if it’s invisible.” But it was one of those things that I had to make sure as I was getting more and more in my advocacy, not only for myself but for others to empower them to say no one knows what each other goes through. No one knows what happens outside of work. They know what happens inside of work. That’s another reason why I’m so transparent with my team and sometimes maybe I overshare but I let them know, “Hey, I’m having a really bad purple day.

My lupus is flaring up.” I had to have a couple days off before, … Unfortunately with here I was having some still lupus stuff happening. But Domino’s has been really great. They’ve given me that psychological safety net. I actually have been very open about it and several people that now work with me at Domino’s have let me know that they had diagnoses within the last year or two or their parents did and they were asking me questions.

And it was just one of those things that brings up a conversational piece for them and it makes them feel less alone. Sorry, I’m getting emotional. And it’s nice to see them because they’re so happy to be able to talk about it with somebody because they’re so nervous to talk about a, a chronic illness or going through domestic violence or PTSD or anything like that.

And that’s why I think it’s very important for me as a 43-year-old woman to be as advocate as most, as much as I can but also be the allyship and be there to, help people if they need direction with whether it’s looking into doctors or looking into if you’re going through domestic violence.

I have a lot of great … because of my friend Nicole that’s part of The Enough initiative that started it, she’s given a lot of great resources and that’s really helped out a lot. It’s just people get so nervous talking about chronic illness and talking about domestic viol- violence because it’s so embarrassing, but it’s not something to be embarrassed about.

It’s something that you didn’t do to yourself. It happened.

Alycia Anderson: Yeah. That is so powerful what you just said, and I love what you just talked about from a self-ID standpoint. And talk a little bit about self-identification at work. And it’s obvious to us, that it’s never required. But can you talk through that piece of advocacy from your standpoint?

So important.

Kelly Still: I The biggest thing for me was any place I go, I, once I go into a, a new job if I do, I like to present myself and let them know that once I’m interviewed and I’m fully hired in, the first thing I do is I bring my ADA accommodation. I let them know, “I wanna be very transparent with you.” At Domino’s, my manager was so great.

She goes, “I don’t need to know all the specifics. Just let me know.” And they have a great company called Unum that does our leave requests, our FMLA, and our ADA, and it’s just great. Within the first two weeks I was there, I had it approved. I had all my items on there. I had my accommodation for when I do have flare-ups, I get to work from home. And it was me talking to my team about it that then they were talking to other people ’cause they … My team’s been here a little longer than me, obviously. But they went and talked to other people. And, oh, someone that was on our telecoms that does our community and culture, she actually let me know “I’m going through lupus.

This is what I’ve been through.” And ” I just got diagnosed, so I said, “It’s gonna be difficult because are gonna say, ‘Oh, it’s not lupus. Oh, it’s this.'” I got misdiagnosed so many times, and I let her know that. And I said, “But once you have the diagnosis, it’s okay, I understand it.” Then I also had another separate Domino employee come up to me, and it was just me talking to my team, and I was talking about domestic violence and why I like to advocate for it and make sure that people understand it. Because one in three women end up being a victim of domestic violence of some sort, whether it’s physical, verbal, it’s stalking, anything like that.

It’s one in three women, one in 10 men, and one in four victims get re-victimized. So it’s being able to advocate for that and let people know that there’s a lot of times that this can reoccur, but this is what we can do to help each other. And that employee came to me, and she said, “I just went through this.” I gave her some great advice. I said, “If you need to call me, here’s my number. If you’re going through anything, triggers, whatnot, I’m here.” And since then, I’ve had other people come up to me and talk to me about it, and I just let them know “I’m an open book. I’m always gonna be an open book,” because that has made me feel that I have more trust and a safety net, too, with a psychological safety net with my peers, my family, my team. And that’s just one way that I’ve done it wherever I’ve gone over the lastsix years. I always make sure that I’m advocating for not only myself, but for others that are going through it.

Alycia Anderson: It doesn’t like while you’re doing that make you feel stronger in your own space as well, just like with your own disabilities and diagnosises and all the things? I feel like the louder I advocate in the community that I create around me, then I feel more comfortable in my own space and in my own voice too.

So it’s like this beautiful protective layer of community,

Kelly Still: My dad said he saw me lose my spunk in 2017, and it was there sometimes, and it, then it came back. But he said after I started doing more of this advocacy, he goes, “You got your fire back. You’ve got your spunk back.” He always says, ” Are you strong like Daenerys Targaryen?” ‘Cause of the blonde hair and the having the fiery side to me sometimes.

But it’s because I’m so compassionate and passionate about what I talk about that sometimes it can come off as I’m so excited. But it’s one of those things, because I love talking about advocacy, talking about why it’s important to make sure that people are transparent and don’t feel like you have to share things if you don’t feel comfortable.

But it’s nice to be able to have somebody that’s transparent about something they’re going through because it kind of breaks down those walls , and the trust starts to be a little bit more. So let’s say they’re going through something privately, but it’s spilling over into professional life.

They know to come to me and talk to me and let me know, “Hey, Kelly, this is happening,” and know that there’s no judgment there. I will never judge anybody because I am sometimes my worst critic, so I know that some people are the same way. I never want anyone to feel any judgment from me.

Alycia Anderson: I think it’s easy for people with disabilities to be your worst critic too, because we are taught the same things that everybody’s taught in our culture, which is, a lot of assumptions and unknowns that are like ableism and things that keep us down, and we believe the narratives until we start to find a path of empowerment and shift the narrative to what the actual true lived experience is.

And so I love that you’re doing that for people. So talk about the work that you’re doing at University of Michigan and beyond. What does the future look like for you with your advocacy?

Kelly Still: I have the professor that I was doing all of… She did the gender and women’s studies. Her name is Dr. Diana Lewis. She was is amazing. She just took off this, this school year. So there are some other people that have asked me to possibly come in and speak at the room. It just depends on my schedule for work. But what I was doing when I was going to University of Michigan is I was letting them know about, “Hey, I know you guys are either in your sophomore, junior year. You’re maybe looking at professional jobs or just looking at the job market. I wanna give you these tools so that you know what you have for your protection and how your employer should be protecting you in the sense, and what the employer’s duties are to follow those agencies that are put in place.” And so I talked to them about ADA accommodations. A company has to follow it if it has over 15 people, and they’ve been there for 20 weeks or more. So they do have to follow it, and if someone doesn’t follow the ADA accommodation, that is something that you can go to the Department of Justice. You would go to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, and then you can also advocate with ADA, and it’s like a triple crown to protect you.

So if you ever feel like someone’s not accommodating your accommodation, and they have over 15 employees definitely reach out to the Department of Justice. The other thing I wanted to let them know about too is what falls under ADA. As long as it’s not causing a financial hardship to the company, they will have to follow it.

What I mean is let’s say the company needed to have a lift or something like that, and they were only on a first floor or things like that. So the financial hardship that would do unto the company. But it’s something that I really loved, especially the last presentation I had, ‘ cause a lot of people were like, “I have mental health issues.

I have, these…” And it was really great ’cause the students were really transparent and really vulnerable with me, and that meant so much to me. And I even told them, I said, “Listen, I am a survivor. I have really big fear of public speaking, but I love talking, which is kinda weird.” And there were times during my presentation I was nervous, but it broke down the walls, and the students were open to share with me about stuff.

And when I talked about I was a survivor, a couple of students reached out to me on LinkedIn, and they asked me a couple things as well. And it’s giving that opportunity for people to feel seen and heard, even if I just say, “I’m a survivor as well.” And then when I left, I said, “If anybody ever wants to talk to me, whether it’s about the presentation, about my advocacy within domestic violence and what my experience has been, I’m an open book,” because that is so important of a community because a lot of times we hide that, and we feel like it’s just embarrassing.

But instead, we need to use that as our superpower.

Alycia Anderson: It is your superpower. It’s a huge superpower that is serving so many other people. It’s really amazing how passionate you are. What are you hoping for the future for all this for you?

Kelly Still: I would love to eventually be able to go and speak at other universities just either about my experience or other companies, just to let them know what it does to have that psychological safety net, that transparency. If someone is going through domestic violence, don’t just give them a pamphlet.

Let them know, “Hey, we’re gonna do what we can.” If it’s a larger company, talk to your loss prevention and security team so that you know that they can’t come up to your workplace. Let the local sheriff know what you’re going through. It’s something that you can do to make sure that you are doing your best to advocate, but you’re also letting the workplace know, too. I still have an open PPO on my ex, and I did let my work know because it’s something that is very much I need to do that for myself because it’s still an active PPO, and they’re in this area. But know it was difficult for me to have that conversation with a new company, but they were so gracious and so amazing, and they just kept saying, “You’re not alone.

We’re here for you.” And the fact that Domino’s so quickly, and unfortunately it was ’cause of an incident. Someone tried to break in the Thursday before Labor Day weekend, and it triggered my daughter and I because of the door and everything, and we were locked in a closet, so it was, like, really difficult.

So when I started going through a little bit of triggering over the last week I let my boss know, and she said, “Whatever you need.” And she was just wonderful about everything because she knew I was struggling with that and knew that triggered me, and it was really great, too, because she and I had our little discussion after everything, and she goes, “You’re not alone.” And I love that Domino’s does that, and they absolutely advocate for you, and they give you extra resources. They have a program that’s an employee assistance program called Lyra, and it gives you eight sessions. I think it’s per year, per incident, if there’s multiple incidents. Hopefully no one’s going through that, but health or if someone’s going through other things, I love that’s available to me because that triggered me from the break-in because of my daughter and I both were like, ooh, took us straight back to the closet we were trapped in.

Alycia Anderson: Domino’s lead the way.

Kelly Still: They’re amazing.

Alycia Anderson: That’s incredible. So what we’re gonna do is leave all of your information in the show notes, so if any companies are out there and want to hire you to come in with all of this expertise, you are readily available. And is there anything that we can leave from a domestic violence abuse in our notes for people to have a resource?

Can you share a few of those things?

Kelly Still: There’s the National Domestic Violence Hotline, so that’s one that you can text or call. So you can text BEGIN to 88788, or you can call 800-799-7233. They also have a chat option available. If you’re not ready to text or talk, you can, do the chat option as well. People that are local to Michigan, my friend Nicole Beverly has been a huge impact on me from what she survived, and she has The Enough Initiative, and it does a lot more around the Ypsilanti, Ann Arbor area, but she’s really expanded so much. And it’s just something that really has helped a lot. Definitely look for your in-state resources and look for local resources. A lot of things are available online. It does help to talk to somebody that’s either gone through it or is an advocate to help you, and just, you’re not alone. And I know it’s embarrassing for you, but it’s not. People have gone through it, and I’m one of them to show you that I’ve gone, I’ll come out the other side. And like I told you, one in four victims get re-victimized, whether it’s from the same partner or a different partner. Unfortunately, I was a part of that statistic. I was not taking that as to mask anything.

I took that as my superpower to be like, “Okay, I need to change these things. I need to move forward.” And my friend Nicole Beverly helped a lot. We have a great community within The Enough Initiative, and my family has just been absolutely amazing. My brother, Sean, who’s the captain in the Army, and I’m just so proud of him, he really is my person, and he’s the my person for myself and my daughter, and it’s really great to make sure that you have a community that will be your psychological safety net.

You don’t want people that are gonna pass judgment or to tell you it’s not that big of a deal. Don’t let anyone gaslight you. What you’re feeling and what you’re going through is very real.

Alycia Anderson: Thank you so much for having this powerful conversation today. You’re so incredible. Did we miss anything?

Kelly Still: No I don’t know?

Alycia Anderson: I think this was such a powerful conversation. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable. I think this is gonna help a lot of people. It definitely I’ve learned a lot and brought a lot of light to just the things that haven’t crossed my life, and I just really appreciate you bringing it to the show today.

Thank you so much.

Kelly Still: Absolutely. It’s my pleasure. And again, I’m always available if anyone needs somebody to be there for them or just talk or listen to their story. Again, you’re not alone.

Alycia Anderson: You’re gonna have your own organization one of these days, girlfriend. I see it in your future. Okay, I warned you, pushing forward moment as we wrap up. Do you have any little insight, which I’m sure you do, or motivation or something to leave with our community behind?

Kelly Still: Absolutely. One of the things, and I love that actually Domino’s uses this phrase, and it’s something that I used in my interview, is it’s okay to have to pivot in life. Make sure you pivot with purpose. You can panic for a second, but make sure you’re pivoting with purpose to make sure you’re helping yourself move forward instead of taking yourself back.

Never run away from something. Run towards something that you know can really help you and that is there for you. And again, it’s just pivoting with purpose and finding your community to really help be there for you and be that psychological safety net for you as well.

Alycia Anderson: Piviot with Purpose, I like it a lot. Kelly, thank you so much for coming on and wanting to share your story. I knew this was gonna be an amazing conversation.

Kelly Still: Oh, well thank you.

Alycia Anderson: I’m so happy you’re on my podcast.

Kelly Still: This was my pleasure. I’m so happy, and we’ll definitely obviously do more things together outside of podcasts, but this was wonderful, and I really appreciate you letting me share my story.

Alycia Anderson: Absolutely. So thank you to our community for showing up again for another episode. Please share this episode with somebody who you think might need it and could really help them. And we will be back next week. This has been Pushing Forward with Alycia and Kelly, and that is how we roll on this podcast.

We will see you next week.